dear aphrodite,
i think, i swear, that you didn't mean what you said. i know that you said it, i know that you dreamed it, and i know that you felt it with every fiber, every cell, of your shaky little being. but i still think you didn't mean it.
sure, you may look like you mean it and say like you mean it and demand that i listen to you because it's the damn truth and i should stop all this fussing and accept it already because there's no going back. you're wrong, though, so i won't just lie down and take it, not now or ever. you can always go back, always. there is always the option of turning around, you're never so far down the path that you can't sense the light behind you. eventually you may not be able to see it, but you'll always know that it's there.
you're an angel, you know. to me, at least.
i don't think that i've ever met someone so blue and so yellow and so candy-coated tree frog at the same time. other people will call me crazy, say i'm delusional for believing in wings and stars and roses, but that's what love's about, right? the impossible, possible.
as humans, our basic instincts are very primitive, and, in this society, they are made even more so. of course, we have our silly little 'advances' in technology and science and weapons and education, but those are all aids in the quest for our primitive goals. technology allows us the power to do, to become, just about anything; it takes away the need, the drive, to dream. science, as far as medicine is concerned, is not all bad. but, honestly, what's the big rush, the big deal? why bother trying to defeat death when dying young is the best way to go? i don't think that i even need to comment on the weapons, but, for your feeble mind, i will. weapons give people motivation to act on their primitive and selfish desires; it creates monsters out of what we call men. education is all fine and dandy, i guess, but there's really no way to help the helpless and there's no reason to educate those who would use it as a platform for stupid, vile things. in the past, we simply survived. we killed as necessary to keep breath in our lungs, but now we kill because we can, because we want to.
love, on the other hand, puts a sturdy mask over those instincts. it gives us the push we need to think of someone, something, besides ourselves. it takes us from the lowly position of businessman to the mighty position of lamplighter. as a little prince on a tiny asteroid blanketed in stars once said: "and since it is beautiful, it is truly useful."
that, i believe, is why we love. why we seek love and why we give everything for even a simple chance at love.
the more i focus on this, the more i dwell on a day in the past, a day far before the apocalypse when you still held my hand and hadn't get squeezed all the blood from my heart. i'm sure you remember it, too. we spoke of it so much, so highly.
the sun kissed our faces that afternoon, so sweetly i can still taste the sugar. your eyes held a shimmering world of green and blue and trees and leaves and rooftops and silly little waving flags. we laughed a lot in that simple hour, smiled, talked, existed. it finally seemed like everything was at its peak, that everything was finally perfect. it was mesmerizing, intoxicating, that feeling. it's still there, in my toes and in my tongue, i still feel it and i still feel you.
that's why you're wrong, why you can't possibly ever be right.
because the past. the past will tie us, bind us, to one another as long as we both shall live. i guess everyone gets a wish granted in this situation, eh? together forever, that's what we are. separate for god only knows how long, that's what they want.
when you realize that i'm right, i'll still be here. i'll always be here.
love,
mavourneen
